Sunday, January 18, 2015

Hands bound

I've been sleeping with my hands bound for the past 1 week.

My mom walked into my room to check on me sometime during the night and when she saw my hands bound she quickly untied me and she got scared like omg is someone in the room!? IS SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE!? And she quickly woke me up and whispered loudly "IS THERE SOMEONE IN THE ROOM?" but I was so confused like omg what time is it now...but anyway, after grasping hold of the situation, I finally found the words from my sleepy braing to tell her that I tied myself up. And she gave me this weird face like "oh.ok............???" and left my room. It was a weird moment, I think she was just glad that we're safe, but now she has to deal with the thought that her daughter might be struggling with a weird BDSM fetish. But I was so tired I just tied myself back up and went back to sleep.

Btw, I DONT have a BDSM fetish. I mean, if I did I would totally say that I do...but I don't. Its just that I have this very bad habit when I sleep, I will overly scratch myself or I will keep rubbing my eyeS until it becomes so swollen in the morning that I can't even open it. And I can't even feel anything in the process until I actually wake up. So I needed to teach my hands a lesson. Actually, this hand tie method is a modification from 3 other methods I used to do in the past, and this is probably also the safest.

The first time it happened was last year so I used a satin ribbon to tie my hands to my bolster, so I still can go to sleep comfortably. But the position of my hands still allowed me to rub my eye sub the next night I tied each of my wrists to a 1.2 litre water bottle filled with water so I wouldn't even be able to lift up my arm. But as I slept and fidgeted about, the ribbons became loose and I ended up rubbing my eye AGAIN! So the third time I was very very determined to go to war with my Evil Sleeping Self. I seriously feel like my sleeping self is a self destructive person. But anyway, so the third time, I bought those large hair rubber bands and looped them around my nike dumbbell on each wrist. This way, the rubber bands wont become loose in the night and I wouldn't be able to lift my arms up to rub my eye or scratch myself.



Somehow, my Evil Sleeping Self is very very strong. I was able to lift my arm up and subconsciously attempted to rub my eye and the dumbbell hit my cheek bone and I woke up immediately like what the fuck. Hurt like hell. WELL, but I guess it also did serve a good purpose to stop my self destructive hands from destroying my eyes. I actually slept with two dumbbells tied to each of my wrists for about 1 week last year, I had this mentality that it will "condition" my sub conscious to stop doing self destructive things. So after a week, I tried to sleep without the dumbbells...and more self destructive hands. ITS GONE!

and in 2015...
now ITS BACK. Last week my self destructive evil hands came back to visit me, and its been a week now that I've been tying my hands up to sleep. So tonight, I'm going to try sleep without tying myself up, I hope nothing happens.

*fingers crossed*

but you probably don't care because you don't have self destructive hands...and you're probably just wondering how the fuck did I take that photo.

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