Friday, March 13, 2015

Nightfall's list

Whenever I wake up in the morning (or afternoon), I immediately look forward to sleeping again. Such a terrible sloth I am. Sleeping is the most creative thing ever to be honest. I dream so much all the time, its like my idea bank. Whenever I feel uninspired or depressed, I just sleep a lot.  So usually moments before I fall asleep are the most important to me...I usually have a mental checklist of what I have to do before I sleep.


1) Look at the galaxy. 


I seriously do this every night. I have this web page saved in my phone browser so its the first thing I do when I lie down on my bed. If I get sick of this picture (which is probably never), I'll just look for another picture with stars and planets and stuff like that. It reminds me that we're very small....which puts my problems into perspective. I mean, the magnitude of this world...this universe...this galaxy... just puts me to shame that I feel depressed over a stupid text. 

2) Listen to classical music. 

At the moment, I am very much in love with Slavonic Dance No.2, Op. 72. Its the best thing ever, just close your eyes, imagine lines and shapes forming with the music. For me, its an aural and visual sensation because I am synaesthetic. I see colours and associate them with music and sound, so its just very much being in touch and feeling everything... that sensation itself is extremely wonderful. So of course I stress the importance of classical. It has a certain wholeness to it that other music don't seem to have. Dubstep, R&B and the whole yada is just visually extremely messy, especially before you sleep. So no.

Listen to Slavonic Dance here. In case you're wondering:  It starts out with hues of yellow. The strings are from a range of lime green to blue hue. And then it proceeds with the bells with splatters of lilac and yellow. The lower strings are oranges and reds. The flute is most definitely a light blue hue. 

3) Read a book.

Please not books like 50 shades, I have so much to say about that book but I shall leave it for another day. Read books that allow you to reflect and ponder and think think think think think. I mean, I like to do this before I sleep because it allows for moments of reflections and I usually drift of to sleep while in it allows me to dream a lot. Good dreams, bad dreams, weird dreams...they all inspire me. I also keep a dream journal, which usually consists of very staggered writing like:

"jon pushing around...accidentally killed someone...shocked horror one says anything. Finds out that person murdered was the mayor...fbi involved...calls me to ask about jon...stalks me...stalks my note on door...I give up...I confess...jon did it...wake up crying"

Books I can re-read over and over again are: Grapefruit by Yoko Ono, Letters from a Stoic by Seneca, Journals of Sylvia Plath and of course, The Bible. I like these books because I can just flip open to any page and read a short excerpt and call it a night.

4) Pray.

I pray because because I believe there is a God that is bigger and much more than I am. I am only human and I am a weak one, there is only so much I can I give my worries and anxiety to God. I pray also because I trust that there is a God that will take care of me, so I want to thank him for that. I pray because there are things that I cannot control, there are things that I have to let go, there are many things... When I think of prayer, I think of it as wrapping a parcel and sending it away. A parcel that contains things that you can't have or things that you cling on to that are not good for you present it nicely with nice washi tape and nice wrapping paper because you're cute like that...and then  give it to someone saying "take it from me, these things I can't keep so please burn them for me." and the person does that for you and says "I got it, I'm here for you, I love you" and you say " thank you, thank you and thank you"

and then you close your eyes.

and you go to sleep.
sometimes with a smile on your face.
sometimes with tears in your eyes.
sometimes just knocked out from exhaustion.

but you will always go to sleep knowing that

it will be ok.

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