Fact

Fun fact.

Do you know how many times I stabbed myself with a needle whilst working today? Like a combination of wounds ranging from a simple prick to the tip of my fingers to taking a jab into my nail whilst trying to pull to needle out. I actually counted, it was 12 times. 12 freaking times.

Body

When I was in kindergarten, maybe 5 years old, we used to sing this song about bodies going over the ocean. It went like:  My body went over the ocean, my body went over the sea, my body went over the ocean oh bring back my body to me....bring back...oh bring back...bring back my body to me...to me...bring back...bring back...bring back my body to me.

I'm sure you know this song. And I would completely freak out whenever the class sang this song with so much cheerfulness it was super creepy. Its so wrong I even asked my friend "why are we singing about our bodies being lost in the ocean? Who is going to bring our bodies back?" My friend would just shrug and say " I dont know?..." It was only when I was older, I found out that I understood the lyrics wrongly..It was My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean. But it never changed the fact that whenever I hear this song, I get the chills. Like yknow in those horror films when something bad is gonna happen and then this creepy af nursery rhyme chimes in with a kiddish tune...it still freaks me out. 

Anyway, for awhile I've been feeling super fat. Like omg what is this buldge doing here, and why are my thighs touching?! ARGH I CAN FEEL MY ARMPITS!!! Like my body doesnt belong to me anymore. Yknow, like you look at yourself in the mirror and you go like...who is this. Growing up I've always had body issues, I never felt comfortable with myself. I look back at past photos of myself I go like...wtf my arms are so skinny I'd give anything to go back to THAT body, and the funny thing is, I know at that point of time when the photo was taken, I was thinking that my arms are fat. Its just very tiring and demoralising to live this way. Everytime after I eat something delish and I feel full and happy...that happiness doesnt last because after awhile I start to pinch myself and say "argh shit, what did I do..." My favouritest food in the world is mash potato btw. I can eat tubs of it and end up being chubs. I still eat them anyway. Btw in the photos in this post, its Truffle Mashed Potato from Poulet and I can promise you that its the best thing ever in the whole wide world. Its SOOOO creamy and soooooo soft and the after taste of truffle just lingers in your mouth like omg I feel fat? Not today satan! 

But anyway so, I've decided that since I was never contented with my body, I'm going to start appreciating it now because ultimately.... its MY body. If I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to do that because its the healthy thing to do, but not because I want to fit into society's modern beauty standards of having a flat tummy and thighs that dont touch because, what the hell... look at this happy mashed potato. 

Elevator

So she was talking and talking and talking, and I honestly had nothing to say because it was getting late and I am just thinking about macaroni soup dinner at home. I stepped into the lift to signal that the conversation should end now, but I cant stop her mid conversation. So I just smiled as she told me about her 15 month old child. And then the lift door started to close whilst she was still talking! And I was like holy shit, ok where is the open button!! Why are there so many buttons!! Argh cant find it! In the split second as the lift door continued to close, I looked up and saw her expression of shock...that probably read like "is she closing the lift door on me mid conversation?!" I did the quickest thing I could possibly think of...to stick my foot out to stop the lift door from closing. Only to realise that it has jammed the lift and set off the alarm. It was so super awkward, she went back to the kitchen and got me some kiwis to bring home. 

I carried the small box of kiwis home and thought about macaroni soup, the piling work on my desk and where the 'Open' button is. 

BBF

Valentines Day was nice, although one might say its too commercialized nowadays. So if its for you, its for you and if its not, then roll with it anyway because its going to be everywhere anyhoo. Sometimes I think about Love...what is it. Why do people "fall in love" and why do they fall out of it. I've seen couples who've been together for like 8 years and they end up going their separate ways in the end. It scares me sometimes that everything can be so unpredictable. Here today, gone tomorrow. Recently a friend's brother passed away very suddenly, I can only imagine the kind of hurt the family and his girlfriend must feel, for someone they love to be gone the next day without any warning. Happily in love this year and the next year, they found someone else. Have you ever thought about it? 

Btw I just threw a cardboard ball across the room and it landed right straight into the paper bin. Yes! Score!

Sometimes these thoughts can get very overwhelming. Lots of "what ifs". What if this happens, what if that happens, what if my girlfriend meets a rich banker and ditches me...What if my boyfriend loses his job and cant buy me branded bags anymore? What if my girlfriend...what if my boyfriend falls into a man hole and becomes paralysed? What if what if what if. Argh the list is endless. I've actually heard of couples who fight because the guy doesnt earn enough money to support the girl's monthly shopping expenditure. There are couples like that, and there is also us. My boyfriend and I fought once because of a fat man on the train. But anyway I realised that there is no textbook answer to any of these questions. Life itself is a journey and its the same with love relationships. Theres no answer or solution to any what if questions until it happens. One thing might work for someone but might be disastrous to another. Life itself is so short right, why worry so much about the future when you're in the present. If its not raining, dont carry an open umbrella preparing for rain, enjoy the sun! When it rains, then ok lets deal with it. But just know that after rain, usually comes sunshine again. 

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My valentines day was very nice. 

It involved: 

Candlelight

Fireworks

Steak

Moving moon

Planning an escape route that involves little parkour

Futuristic playground

Evil bridge

Radioactive water

Keep away, growing plants

Shoulders

Home

Glue dots 

Before flowers....AFTER FLOWERS!!!!! hahahahhahhaha Well, but anyway single or attached, water your lawn so the grass is always greener on your side. ;)

Feb

I took this picture at some random hub block I walked past whilst holding my seaweed chicken lunch.  I wanted to sit under the void deck and have my meal proper, but there was some auntie sleeping on the entire bench and it seemed quite inappropriate to invade her space. So I sat at the staircase landing  and devoured my chicken whilst listening to Vivaldi. The block was quite empty so I didn't think anyone would actually climb down the stairs but someone did eventually...and the old man was so shocked to see me, his expression made me feel like I did something wrong, so instinctively...I took my bag and my chicken and my drink and ran down the stairs. Maybe there was a "no eating" sign somewhere that I didn't see... I don't know! but I guess its better than those neighbourhood school kids that get caught making out or having sex at staircase landings...I'm just a grown up who eats at staircase landings. Pretty harmless in comparison. Actually, both are harmless. 

But anyway, I took this photo because it made me think about time. A year. Like a passage of time somewhat. In a blink of an eye its already Feb. At every point where you are, what you see will be different too, what you experience will be different too. So I zoomed in all the way to the end, metaphorically, if thats my end point, what would that be? And so it seems that my end point is a rubbish cart. 

I refused to accept that, even if its just metaphorically. I walked to the end, and pushed the rubbish cart away.