Tolstoy and The Taxi Uncle.

Leo Tolstoy is one of my favourite authors of which his book, Anna Karenina is ranked as my favourite No.1 so far. I should also read War and Peace too, but my boyfriend is reading it at the moment (very slowly I must say) and I have a tendency to be overly excited about books...so he's worried that I might spoil the ending for him (I already spoilt Anna Karenina for him), so to be safe...I am waiting for him to finish it before I start reading War and Peace. 

At the moment I have just finished another book by Tolstoy called The Kreutzer Sonata and Other Stories. There are 4 stories in here that all have the common theme of each phase of life having its own kind of love. I enjoyed it very much even though I must say that "The Kreutzer Sonata" made me extremely depressed for 2 days. This particular story was also banned in the 1890s because of its scandalous content. But anyway, Tolstoy's use of language is absolutely beautiful, the words he uses are simple but when they're strung together, they create the perfect emotion and mood that he wants the reader to feel. 

I shall pull out 3 quotes: 

//

"I suddenly felt that this fear was love, a new and even more tender and more powerful love than the one I had experienced before. I felt that I was entirely his, and that I was happy in his power over me" 

"What these people don't seem to understand is that marriage without love isn't marriage at all, love is the only thing that can sanctify a marriage, and the only true marriages are those that are sanctified by love." 

"Most of all those who see in others symptoms of the madness they fail to see in themselves."

//

Today I also learnt that sometimes not-so-favourable situations can actually bring out the best in people. In a situation where negativity prevails, instead of being influenced by this negativity...spread positivity and do good instead. I witnessed how much joy doing this can bring to a person:  I was walking down a hill to the main road to catch a bus when it started drizzling. Also, the haze situation was really bad today. Everywhere looked so foggy and eerie when suddenly a cab driver pulled over and offered me a ride because he said that I shouldn't be out in this kind of weather and I still had a long way to go before I reach the main road. He sent me to my destination absolutely for free! I insisted on paying because this was his rice bowl, but he politely declined and said to me in mandarin that when everyones feeling not so happy about the haze situation, this was the least he could do to help turn the situation around, even if its for only one person.

Thank you Uncle, you have completely inspired me to live in a more gracious and giving way. You've taught me that good things can come out of difficult times. You've showed me how I can do the same for others too! \^_^.

Live life, spread love and show gratitude. My new motto in life. :D

Thursday's Haze Terrors

Actually, wanted to write about music today, but the haze situation has just peaked to its highest level (in two years!!) and it has succeeded in affecting me emotionally, making me paranoid about EVERYTHING. I mean, this is not good because I am already a very paranoid person to begin with...like for an example if I'm in a meeting, I'll start to think "omg did i close the windows at home?? holy shit, did I turn off the iron? Omg if my parents come home to a burnt house I am so screwed, argh is it too late to take a cab back home now to check? Argh I wish I could call the iron to switch itself off " but NOW, I have even more serious things to be paranoid about. Like omg, why do I have difficulty breathing ? Why does my chest feel so tight? Can people actually die from inhaling too much impurities? Omg i can't see, my eyes hurt. What if I open my eyes too long and omg holy shit, the wind is blowing in my direction now I can't see where I'm going, too....much...shit....in the air... arggghoguaew....*falls* 

This literally sums up my whole day!The only time I could breathe normally was when I got indoors. It got even worse at night, I started to feel like there were clumps of particles in my eyes and they were getting SO itchy. I mean, cmon! I even had to order a double mc spicy burger just so I could force cry the impurities out of my eyes. T_T 

To all my Singaporean friends, stay safe!! Wear a mask or a scarf (sahara dessert style)!! Eat more mc spicys, cry and cleanse your eyes!! 

Back from the hiatus!

Wow it's been so long. How it going? So many things have happened since my last post on supermarket shopping. For one, im finally back in Singapore! And two, my dog died. 

Things got pretty crazy ever since I came back. Work was so insane, it was just emails and emails and emails. And if you knew me personally, you'd know that I'm terrible with these things. Im the kind of person who likes to just unplug at the end of the day, read a book... Stare at the candle melting, lie down and howl at the moon or just peeling potatoes in a continuous strip at the end of the day. I don't want to come home and sit down and blog. 

But also!! I am so touched because some of you have taken some time to email me or leave comments to say that you like my blog and my words (my words are mainly gibberish so thank you for even reading!!) and also asking me to update my blog, im so sorry!! Gomenasaiiiiii~~~ 

SO!! I am going to make it a point to blog frequently now. 

So to start the ball (or blog) rolling again... Here's a picture of my tired shadow (and some nice flowers). 

Supermarket: Favourite things

when I go to the supermarket im usually drawn to a couple of things instantly. And I end up buying a whole lot of them not because I need them, but because of the way they make me feel. 

First on my list! 

Preserved pickles and various vegetables. They are so weird and so nice to stare at. Almost like time has frozen for them. Like... A specimen. I buy these so I can bring them home to observe them. But my helper at home usually ends up cooking them. So, it's a win win situation. 

Candles and tea lights! I love love LOVE scented candles absolutely. ARGH. I just want to lie in a pile of them and take deep breaths. I love them even more if they come in various shades! Like... Omg that's brilliant! Putting them all side by side and watching all the different shades melt together. Arghhhhhh. Usually before I sleep, I like to light candles and tea lights around my room and just... Watch them melt. I spend about 10-15 mins doin this, just staring at the light and the melting wax. It's really theraputic. 

Tea light cups. I love these things. I buy too many of them, I don't know why but I'm just so attracted to small things like these... Like glass, nice small cups, small plates... I spend a lot of unnecessary money on these small things every month. 

Shampoo. Ok I don't actually buy a lot of shampoo but I love looking at the POssibility of what the shampoo can do for my hair. Also if it has nice colors, even better! :D 

On the side note, how are you? How is life? As I am writing this I am currently putting on a seaweed/ almond face mask. (Im super loving this mask btw but I will write about it another time, I need some time to test its limits and benefits) Its so hot these days, it's so important to take care of skin. Sunblock everyday!  Xx

Rant

Three sleepless nights in a row. 

I hold on to as much daylight as possible, it brings me temporary comfort. When night falls, my demons creep out from all over, engulfing me in terror and a crimson kind of darkness. I wish things were different, my circumstances are different, that my thoughts will be different too. But I'm made like that, who I am now...I have no regrets. But it seems that being here, I'm put in a box to conform and it makes me feel rigid...stagnant...depressed even. 

And sometimes I apologise for wanting to get out of this box. I'm sorry Im sorry, I'll behave, I'll stay here. Is this box all there is to life? I want to get out, but I don't want to hurt people, I don't want to disappoint. I want to reach out and say, here I am...the world is so big, I am just this insignificant being in such a vast big world, I am probably nothing compared to the magnificence of this world, so take me as I am. Let me explore, let me learn, let me fall, let me get up, let me make mistakes, let me be wounded, let me cry, let me experience joy, let me experience danger, let me experience fear, hopelessness, failure, success, adrenaline, adventure, ecstasy. Let me experience all these, good and bad, but please just don't put me in a box. 

I can't live freely, its like, I'm living under someone else's skin and the real me inside wants to get out and say THIS IS ME, but if I do...I end up hurting the people around me. And then the resentment level increases. And its just a downward spiral....sigh. Ok the end, rant over. Also, I miss you and you probably will never know that.