xngt + snox

Nothing and no one is irreplaceable. Remember that.

I got reminded of this again today and it changed my perception of things and people. I mean, I've always known this, but sometimes you get so caught up in things you forget that in reality... nothing lasts forever. What you needed last year might not be what you need this year. What you want NOW might not be what you want in the future. The job that you once thought you loved might be the reason why you're unhappy. The friends that you thought you loved, might be the reason for tears at night. The girl/boy that used to proclaim their love to everyone for you, might end up being the one leaving you for someone else someday. Everything changes. Everyone changes... sometimes too suddenly. Maybe everyone is just temporary, on stand by...until the next lover comes, until the next job comes, until the next student comes, until the next "breakthrough" comes, until the next next next next next.

so much negativity tonight, but lets stop and look at this picture I took last year. I really like this photo now...probably will like it until the next roll of film gets developed and I'll find another photo to like then... *sulks*

OK TEE, STOP IT!!!!
heres a picture of a snail that trusts me not to sprinkle salt on it in hopes to watch it fizzle and die. Lets name it Snox. Snox has probably watched many of his friends and family snail members get crushed on road pavements or burnt by naughty kids. Snox sees me offer a flower petal (that could have been a trap), but advances (very slowly) towards me anyway. Bad things might happen to it on other days no doubt, but if Snox keeps living in fear for those bad days then Snox will never experience good days too. Tee is going to be like Snox.

Mondays

Nice things today: 

• fresh air after heavy rain.
• conversations with overly enthusiastic kid.
• conversations with random snail.
• warm tea in cold mall. 
• long bus rides home (on double decker bus) 
• fish soup with extra slices of fish.
• having ice cream whilst walking up a hill.
• new music. 

I think about specific words sometimes. Like repeatedly think and say the word until it loses its meaning. This process is called semantic satiation. 

H told me about a boy. She smiled at me and said "you know yesterday, a boy died because he jumped off from this building. He didn't like his family, so he wanted to die." 

died. how fragile is life. repeat until it loses its meaning...feel uncomfortable, then start to think of Venus. 

Silver Steve.

Today they told me about Silver Steve. Put in a coin and Silver Steve moves. Silver Steve wears sunglasses because he doesn't want to look. Looking can be a very dangerous and scary thing. The eyes, I mean. I asked J, "why do you think he has sunglasses on? Its not very sunny is it?".

"maybe its because when so many people look at you and expect you to do a certain thing all the time  it gets tiring and scary. So maybe he puts on his sunglasses as a kind of guard against people. Its role reversal, they're actually the exhibits and he's doing the watching." 

So I thought to myself, thats nice, ok, so...thats what I'm gonna do. Like, Silver Steve. 

Plants and Sun

They have a beautiful house with lots of plants out in their balcony. Lots of sunlight. Lots lots lots. Happy space. Some months I come and the plants are shrivelled up and drying drying dying dying, some months I come and the plants are bright green and full of life. I think about the people living in this house sometimes. 

When alls well, they water water water. 

"gambatte! grow grow grow!" 

When alls not, they wither wither wither. 

"sigh...tomorrow...tomorrow's tomorrows" 

I think our surroundings are a reflection of whats going on in the inside. Some sort of chaos sometimes. What if its like that with me, on good days I treat myself well, on bad days I neglect everything and everything dies. ok nononono, not like that. Water your plants everyday people!! 

Literally and metaphorically. 

World

 "In the World, I notice persons are nearly always stressed and have no time... I don't know how persons with Jobs do the Jobs and the Living as well...I guess with a world so big Time gets spread very thin like butter all over the world, the roads and houses and playgrounds and stores, so theres only a little smear of time on each place, then everyone has to hurry on to the next bit..." 

- Jack, Room.