There were many times this week when I wanted to type and type and type about my thoughts here but I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't. I used to feel free, like I can say anything I want and its ok, I started out this blog having only like 5 views a day at most...and I felt comfortable with that because its like a shared world...like I don't know who you are but you're reading my words...even if its just one person reading my words everyday, I feel that sense of wanting to share. Like a secret friend kinda thing.
So now, because of all the publicity for my works which I am eternally grateful for btw, my blog hits crazy numbers everyday...I get really scared by the numbers. I feel awkward, like...how I would be in a large room of people, or like a party. Sometimes I wish I could be a water bottle on the table. So anyway let me digress a little, I was at a house party and everyone was just mingling, I mean...yeah I can do that too but sometimes it gets very emotionally draining for me to just switch and talk to so many people, so I was just staring at the kitchen table and I saw a water bottle just sitting so calmly in the middle of the chaos. SO, I went to join the water bottle, and we observed the party going by... before a really drunk girl came up to me and started crying because she said she loves my hair.
So anyway, what I'm saying is that, I realised I don't know how to deal with the audience. I don't know how bloggers do that...I'm not even saying I'm famous or even popular. I am not. Its just this sudden ability to influence people in the words I say or the things I post up...I'm like...damn...I don't know how to do this...I'm afraid to say the wrong things, or do the wrong things, or I have to be more careful now...or maybe I shouldn't post too many selfies!?
Btw, I totally took the water bottle from the kitchen at the house party that I went to (I asked the host if I could have it! I didn't steal it! He def gave me a weird look but he said if I wanted it, I could have it!), so now we face chaos together. Just me, and my water bottle.